February 17, 2017 / The Beginning

I had just gotten back from a girls trip to Florida. During the trip I just didn't feel right. My swelling was OUT OF CONTROL. For me to swell during a flight wasn't abnormal, but this was beyond swollen.  Yes we did a lot of walking, my diet was....you know, vacation food, but this was concerning. I thought I was late with my cycle, but Id never been concerned before, so why now. But I got home and took a pregnancy test a few days later, it was a NON-result, not positive or negative. I decided why not go in to my OB, schedule an apt and just get a blood test done. On February 17, I snuck in before work, had the test done, in the afternoon they called me with the results, it was Positive. Oh my word, I was going to be a Mommy for the 4th time!
I was scared, nervous, happy, excited, proud, but how was I going to tell my hubby. I knew he would be beyond scared. I was extremely high risk so my OB scheduled me for an immediate Ultrasound on Monday to determine current gestation and to talk about a plan. Somehow I needed to tell my husband.

We spent a lot of time like this. The big kids in my bed, snuggling with Mom. I was terrified to move. I went to work and came home and promptly went to bed to rest. 

Over the weekend Brad and I had a lot of discussion. He was hesitant because he was extremly fearful. What if we lost another baby, what if we had another NICU stay, what if something happened to me or the baby.....we had 2 other kids at home that needed us. One with very special needs and we didn't want to let them down. We didn't plan this pregnancy, this was a huge surprise to us, but in the back of our minds we knew it was for a reason. We knew this baby was heaven sent. I had lost my mama 3 years prior to Inflammatory Breast Cancer. Our future was so unknown for so many reasons. We had been relying on Gods plan for quite some time now and this was NOT the time to question him. I held strong, I went along with it, I was thrilled, but I also knew I needed to do something different. I needed Hope and a Prayer. And fast...

Feb 20, 2017
I went in for an ultrasound that morning. I was also really sick. Was it morning sickness or the flu or a nervous tummy? I wasn't sure but I had dropped a lot of weight over the weekend, over 5 pounds from getting sick and my OB was concerned. I got a sneak peek of our precious little bundle, what a joy it was to see! The heart rate was 168, the baby looked good! I was just over 7 weeks along.


Our first peek at our precious Brinkley

They promptly sent me back to meet with my OB. We hugged, I sure love her, she'd seen us before at our best and worst. Been by our sides in the scariest of times.
My visit didn't go as I had planned. I needed a game plan and a firm one, something different to try because the McDonald cerclages I had in the past did not hold. My doctor said she would do the same game plan as last time, place a McDonald cerclage around 12 weeks, possibly some bed rest and instead of a shot of progesterone, this time she would start me on a suppository now. I asked her if I should see a Perinatologist, a High Risk doctor possibly at the University or somewhere else. Nope, she thought our game plan was good. They sent me in for IV fluids and to rest. But I was unsettled.
I left her office knowing I needed more. I knew I would never be going back to her and that crushed me. However, I knew I needed Hope. I was worried but I was not defeated.
I got home and immediately called the University. I asked for a nurse, I gave her my history and within a 15 minute conversation she had me scheduled 3 days later to see a High Risk Doctor. This was the first step towards going against the grain and trying something different.~

VideoBlog's became a source of comfort for me. I needed to talk out my feelings, I wanted to remember every.single.moment. Click below for my first video memory...

Baby Vlog 10 weeks